just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Sorry about my life...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
there is glitter all over my balls
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
