as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
