I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
