he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
