yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
