Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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