Me too!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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