Your favorite bartender is back from prision
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
