i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
