thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
