you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
