Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
