I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He is an equal opportunity slut.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I got inside last night via doggy door
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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