she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
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