do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
ttyl tear gas
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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