I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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