and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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