I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
