Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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