the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
