Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
