I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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