Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
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