I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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