the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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