D3 body, D1 cock
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
