the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
