you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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