I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
