i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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