Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
