i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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