We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
