Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
