i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
