She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
