I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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