We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
