i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
