i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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