Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
