question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Be still, my beating vagina.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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