Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
