When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
