Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
