I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
