College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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