sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
