I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
