Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
