does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
